you turned your livingroom into a bong?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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