Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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