is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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