Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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