Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Green mimosas i think yes
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
