Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
