just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
