Kiss
Puke
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
