It's like God shit irony all over that family
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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