I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize