i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
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Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
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