it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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