I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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