I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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