Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
