OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
why do cheetos always look like penises
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
