I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
