I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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