At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
