I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
