You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
