i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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