Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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