Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today