What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My dad just said "fuck circus"