Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
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I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream