apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
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shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
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I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"