I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
