the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
