we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I currently don't understand fingers.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
