If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we have pet lesbian snakes
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
there is glitter all over my balls
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
