Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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