dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I look better un-naked...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
