I hate your face
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She's the barista slut.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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