There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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