He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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