I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
