Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
