So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So here I am, sexting at work.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
