I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
