I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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