if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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