I CAN MOONWALK!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
