This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
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Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
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I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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