Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
