i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
