And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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