Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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