Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
