Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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