he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
