He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
