I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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