So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
