DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
