wrigley field is MILF paradise
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
