he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
