So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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