Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
