You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
