I just cut my nipple shaving
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
