She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
