1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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