i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
