Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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