I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
is wine microwaveable?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
