I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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